Unmasking Surrender

Has anyone else out there been feeling the intense energies these past two months?

I’m talking about those moments where one minute you’re grateful for everything and optimistic, then the next minute you are victimizing yourself and being extremely moody? Oh yeaaah, that’s what I have been experiencing. I have been feeling all over the place energetically; feeling very high joyous energies, followed by very low frustrating situations that I can’t seem to move past. Can we all just pray to sweet Jesus that we all make it through this frenzy and in one piece? This whole past month I have been wanting to write about this topic, and each time I went to write the post, it didn’t feel right, or I just couldn’t stay seated long enough to focus wholeheartedly. So I had been putting it off for a bit while I preoccupied my time with other things.

I can comprehend that with the earth shifting into a new vibration, it is going to be a bumpy ride, especially for those who still haven’t fully mastered the concept of surrender, which is the purpose of my post today.  In my own opinion, I felt that I had gone through enough to know and understand the concept of surrender. I thought I was at the point where surrendering was second nature. HA! What a joke that was! I had another enlightening moment one day where I figured out that I hadn’t even scratched the surface to surrender. And what better time is there to write about  a topic that slapped you across the face two seconds ago, right?

But before we get into all the nitty-gritty details of that nuisance we call surrender, I wanted to share what I have been up to; all my highs, and all my lows. Besides, what’s the point of having a blog if I can’t get personal right? Here are some of the really great things that I have experienced or am experiencing since my last post:

  1. I traveled to Munich, Germany and Salzburg Austria for my birthday at the end of August. I feel like I can never get tired of Europe, each time I go it’s just more and more picturesque. Austria has been by far the most beautiful place I’ve traveled to.
  2. I am following a plant-based vegan diet.I admit this one is so hard. I have fallen to the temptation of pizza only but a few, ok maybe a lot, of times. Other than that though I have stayed strong and have been enjoying finding new recipes to try out.
  3. I have started a spiritual development group to be around like minded people and grow in my spiritual knowledge and abilities.  
  4. I have decided to start volunteering my Reiki services at a local hospital who has written articles about the benefits they’ve seen in their patients.–cool right?
  5. I am still attending the best spiritualist church ever!! OK I may be biased a bit but it is super awesome. I laugh, I cry, I let my walls come down, I feel peace, and joy, and most importantly I feel love.

As I reflect on my life, I really am finding so much more to be thankful for each and every day. I have been lucky enough to travel to places that most people won’t get to visit in their lifetime. I was born in a country that affords me the opportunity to truly become anything I want to become, and to do anything I want to do (so long as I am not causing harm to others, obviously). I was born in a country where females are allowed an education, and my mother fought long and hard to send me to good private schools to ensure a great education since she couldn’t have one. I was born into an environment where my rights were never taken from me. When I think about these things, it causes a snowball effect of gratitude.

The problem I have noticed recently within myself is that if I feel any weird or low energies, I do not release them as I should, which leaves a bit of negative residue in my aura. I simply ignore them. Which is great in that moment, but not for the long-run because I never release those emotions properly. This habit of mine causes me to feel negativity for situations that have long passed. Here are some examples of those negative emotions I’ve experienced within the past two months:

  1. I drove myself crazy trying to decide where I wanted to travel to because they needed to be “fat-people friendly.” ***Side story: I traveled to Bangkok, Thailand with my mom last year and it was pretty devastating for me. It was a beautiful place and it was so so cheap, but the people there were not very friendly towards me since I am a heavy-set girl. People would ask me constantly how much I weigh, or I would get stared at, or worse, have those people in a group who nudged each other, pointed and laughed at me. Now every time I travel, there’s a small amount of anxiety that creeps in thinking about my experience in Bangkok. ***After my trip came to an end, it really dawned on me that I have not fully accepted myself after my weight gain. I felt the normal emotions associated with a significant amount of weight gain such as embarrassment, shame, and guilt. But I was also punishing myself, really not letting myself forget about the weight gain and thinking that I have to change or lose weight in order to be worthy again.
  2. I have been feeling impatient about becoming financially independent. With an MBA, I expected to have job opportunities flying at me. I grew very frustrated with not being able to find a non entry-level job opportunity anywhere! And although now I see why it was probably best for that to happen, I am still putting a lot of pressure on myself to become successful. I made the realization not too long ago that the driving force behind this feeling is proving to my mother I can and will be successful. She throws jabs at me all the time about “finding a good job, and getting married.” However, she doesn’t understand or accept my chosen career path so it’s been difficult. She’d rather see me as the typical lawyer, doctor, or executive. I realized that I am also impatient with myself, wanting to complete everything at once, and be at the end journey and not waiting for things to progress naturally. I am rushing the progress and not allowing myself to enjoy those small moments. I want my business to sky rocket so I put so much pressure on myself to get things off the ground that it takes away from my joy sometimes.
  3. My mother and I have been having a rocky relationship, well we have always had one. It’s constant head butting. But it really hurts feeling like you’re not good enough, and you’re not supported by one of the most important people in your life. The other day she called me a “bruja” which means witch in Spanish. The way she said it, with disdain on her lips, felt like a knife cutting into my soul. It has always been a struggle gaining her trust, support and love even as her child. This left many emotional scars in my heart. I have always wished for her to be different. For her to see things my way, or for her to be accepting of a difference in opinions about something. Hell, there were times many many years ago that I have even wished for a new mother! It sounds awful looking back at it, but I just always wanted her to be different with her kids. So that I may finally know what it is like to have a good and stable relationship with a parent.

One night, I was listening to my podcast about The Secret on repeat, so that it can be engrained in my subconscious mind, and as I was listening,  I realized yet again that I have not been dealing with these emotions or any emotions properly. I haven’t let go and fully surrendered these limiting beliefs and behaviors when I thought I already had. The podcast triggered something in me to make me realize that I have not surrendered, and that is why I have been having a difficult time. That is why I haven’t been able to manifest or get anything that I truly want. I have been looking at things entirely wrong, trying to control things outside of me or outside of my control. The reality is, I can only control myself, and once I do that, I can welcome freedom and happiness. Trying to control things outside of myself has taken me away from the present moment, from finding joy and happiness. As soon as I noticed these unwanted feelings still lingering on inside, I promised myself that I would make a sincere effort to release them and to focus on positivity.

Why haven’t things worked out for you?

As I am working on releasing that nasty emotional debris and fully surrendering my life to the divine, I felt guided to offer some assistance for those of you experiencing anything similar to my situation. If you have been feeling stuck and not know why, or how to move forward then maybe you need to surrender too. After a few nights of sitting quietly in meditation, I received insights on how one can fully learn to surrender.

My favorite definition of surrender is this:

Surrender /səˈrendər/ (v)- to cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority

We have to surrender to the universe, to God or Infinite intelligence, to the mystery and magic of the world. By surrendering to the universe and submitting ourselves to its grand authority, we can attract those things that we want.There is an aspect to surrender here that I would like to touch upon; and that is the fact that the concept of surrender in this respect is an oxymoron. The only way we can surrender and completely let go is by taking control of our thoughts. Most people have it backwards. They think they need to control the outside world, and that they can’t possibly tame their minds. I mean, with tens of thousands of thoughts per day, who can? Am I right? WRONG. The reality is, the opposite is true! We cannot control anything outside of us including people, jobs, situations, etc. We do however, have the power to control our minds which can harness the power of manifestation.

Focus with great sincerity on positive thoughts, on joy, on happiness. If you notice you are in a bad or funky mood, shift your thoughts to something positive and happy. Just focus your mind on feeling joy, and happiness. If you do come across any negative emotion, allow yourself to feel it, but not dwell on it. I have learned that properly releasing those yucky emotions are the only way we can move forward. Letting go of these thoughts is the only way we can receive.

Surrendering also leads to co-creating your destiny. The only problem is, we haven’t fully grasped how this works. I’ve come to think of our relationship with the universe as a parent-child relationship where the universe is the parent and you are its child. When children ask their parents for gifts, toys, etc, the child hopes and prays that they will receive this item. If they are fortunate, their parents can afford these things and are able to provide it. If, for example, a child asks for a certain toy for their birthday, they tend to expect to get it without knowing how much the parent had to work to give it to them. That is how we should behave and interact with the universe, as if it were our parent. If we want something, ask the universe for it. Learn to expect it to come, leaving out the details (how it will get to you, how long it will take), and continue controlling your thoughts and focusing on positivity.

We have to build a relationship with the universe. And as in any relationship, communication is necessary for it to flourish. Good communication is a two way street. The only thing is, the universe and angels and guides communicate without words. Some do, once your spiritual gifts kick in. But for anyone who has no idea what gifts they have, the answers you will get are mostly abstract- music lyrics, numbers, words, feelings, urges. We all have free-will. But once you put out a desire, the universe is working WITH you. You just have to be led. Surrender to knowing how things will get done. Just control your thoughts, and allow yourself to be led. At your capacity right now, you don’t have the power to see events in the future that you’ll think are coincidental. You don’t have the power to orchestrate events, people, thoughts from forming actions. But the universe does.

Surrender to the universe, but only by way of controlling your mind

We were put here on earth to do something. In fact you made an agreement before coming into this world as to what your purpose is. However, your spiritual purpose has nothing to do with wealth, or abundance. So many people wish for that which is totally ok given the power of free will. But the real reason we came down here was to experience our soul’s truth in a human body. Our soul’s truth is unconditional love, joy, happiness, and gratitude. So once you are ready to follow, surrender to how your life plays out. Live like a child, in wonder, in amazement basking in each moment. Surrender to being in control and to knowing all. After I did, I was able to manifest things in such a short period of time! Don’t believe me? Just wait until you see the new car I manifested ;).

All my love,

Bella

 

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